This week has been a bit up and down. I had my first online yoga class on Monday and once again was filled with horror (and shame) at how restricted my body is when it comes to movement. Mind you, when we did the first downward facing dog I thought I'd never manage (and that was my favourite the one other time I did yoga years ago), but it sort of worked. Getting out of it again was tough. But by the end of the hour, when we had done it four or five times, it actually was getting a bit better. So, not entirely hopeless.
Similar to my experience with tai chi, I wasn't able to even pretend to flow from one movement to the next but I did my best with just stopping one thing and repositioning for the next. I've arranged with the yoga teacher to have a private one-on-one session so that she can actually see what I'm able to do and give me some advice on alternative movements and so on. I am feeling a bit proud of myself for that.
On Wednesday, for our optifast sport unit we walked to the river and then had to walk 20 minutes in one direction and then 20 minutes back, trying to maintain the same pace. I was surprised that I was actually able to walk for 40 minutes in one go. Well, ok, I did have a two-minute break but I didn't sit down for it. I was feeling pretty stiff by the end, though. Between that 40 minutes and walking to and from the river, we walked for almost a full hour.
I mean, on the one hand, I wouldn't have been able to do that three months ago. On the other, it did me no favours since my back (the lower right-hand side/hip that's been so much trouble the past couple of years) seized up a bit overnight and I ended up calling in sick to work. I stayed home on Friday as well - and am feeling very guilty about that because I feel like I probably could have pushed through it. But I just couldn't find the mental wherewithal. I know it was probably the right thing to do but still. The guilt.
On the positive side, over the weekend, I've been productively pottering and it feels great to finally be far enough out of the hole of depression I was living in for over a year that I am just randomly doing things that have been lying around for ages. I even did my washing yesterday and was astonished at the fact that when I thought about doing it, less than an hour later the first wash was down in the machine. And it even included the bed clothes. I can't even count the number of weekends where I spent a substantial amount of time trying to convince myself to bring washing down and didn't manage to do it until two weeks later I was about to run out of clean knickers. So I'm not as lazy as I always hate myself for being. Depression really is a hell of an illness.
So, here are some little things for me to add to the list the next time I log in on a computer:
- Got the washing done and hung to dry on Saturday. Including bedclothes.
- Cut back the marjoram and the long dead sunflowers, dill and coriander AND brought the bucket straight down to the organic waste bin.
- Also brought down the glass from the photoframe I broke two weeks ago and put it in the glass bin.
- Aired duvet on clothes horse in front of wide open windows with the sun shining in
- Watered all the plants and even added seeweed extract fertiliser to the water.
- Signs of life from someone special.
- Set up sunrise alarm clock
- Thought about doing a face mask. And then did it.
* The photos are of my Dracaema Singularis. Couldn't figure out how to add captions to pictures in the app.
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