Tuesday, October 30, 2018


Can I get away with "incredible" as my word beginning with "i"? As in, isn't it incredible that it has taken me more than six months to come up with a post for "i"? And in fact, you could add more incredible to the feeling I have right at this moment because I am simply waiting to go to choir in an hour and am not rushing around to try and get something done beforehand. No translations to finish or errands to run. It's actually a bit of a strange feeling. Uncommon for me these days. But nice. Nice enough that I will for now forget about the fact that if I was actually at home, I would have loads of things to do.

The past few months have been ridiculously busy and I have not necessarily been coping well. Last Friday (well, Friday the week before last), however, I sent off the last translation of what felt like a continuous stream of jobs since the middle of August. Apart from a few single days, I was basically translating more or less all the time that I wasn't in work and on the days I didn't have to (or wasn't able to) do anything, I mostly just stayed in bed or lay on the couch reading or, mostly, watching Netflix. Even though I've thought about writing something here again, and even though I really wanted to, I just couldn't seem to find the wherewithal to actually form sentences. Not even for the kind of stream of consciousness post that I have used so often in the past to get me through tougher times. It feels nice that sitting here this evening the thought just popped into my head that I could maybe write a blogpost. Maybe soon I'll even start to feel able for catching up on reading some blogs, as well.

So, apart from too much work, it feels like not much has been going on. I did start a telephone therapy/coaching service (provided by my health insurance place - sort of intended as an interim measure for people waiting for appointments with psychologists or for those like me, who just want a bit of extra help for a while). The first guy I had was pretty awful, to be honest, so before the third appointment, I told him I didn't want to continue working with him. Luckily, the second person I was assigned has been much nicer to deal with and far more supportive in the way that I need and that actually does offer me support.

I started seeing a dietician in February but, to be perfectly honest, this is still a real struggle. I lost about 6 kilos but there was a certain amount of staying the same, gaining a bit, losing again. And now, over the last couple of extremely busy, stressful months, I regained all of the original weightloss and then some. And spent far more money than I could really afford on silly amounts of takeaway, crisps and chocolate. Part of the weightgain, I have to say, is because I've been having massive hormonal issues - seriously, my weight can now fluctuate by up to 4 kilos in the course of two days. However, even though I don't yet have more "good" days than "bad" ones, I have not given up. And I can see the change in my eating habits and how I am thinking about food, even if I still have plenty of days of falling into old behaviours and even if I haven't actually lost a lot of weight since I started nine months ago. It kind of feels like I'm getting close to a critical mass of new behaviours and to reaching the point where I can actually feel like I may be able to actually start consistently losing weight. Knowing that every day I am eating good, healthy food makes it easier to cope with the hormonal weight fluctuations, too. A kind of a "not my fault" thing. I have another appointment with the doctor in December and I will see how I'm coping by then. The progesterone I'm taking is tending to make me fairly emotional, too. Although I've gotten able to recognise the (to me) unnatural fury and/or weepiness, I'm undecided about whether I'm prepared to put up with it. But I don't really want to try any of the other options available either. That's going to me a bit of a wait and see situation for at least another year, I think. Anyway, for now, I'm trying to concentrate on eating good, healthy food. I'm just about saladed out after the summer and looking forward to lots of soups and stews and casseroles in the coming months. Time to break out the slow cooker again!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're posting again. I've been worried by the long silence. Good luck wit the weightloss plan - it does sound as though you are looking after yourself, and that's great.