My boss has said several times that she thinks I've picked things up very quickly. Yesterday she commented that we haven't quite found our rhythm yet. It wasn't in any way said negatively, it really was just a comment on something insignificant. So insignificant I can't even remember now what it was. So insignificant that there is nothing concrete for me to grasp onto and say, right, I can do this better by doing xyz. And yet...
And yet it is eating away at me and making me doubt myself entirely. Making me feel like I'm too slow, not doing things right, not good enough. I'm trying to do all the things I've learned over the years, especially some of the stuff I was reminded of in the stress seminar I did in January....catastrophising, I'm looking at you. Begone!
But it is difficult. And today was a very early start, which is very rarely a mood booster for me. Now I'm sitting waiting. We're doing a day of interviews for PhD students and the next hour or so is Skype interviews so there's nothing for me to do but wait in case the panel needs something. And I left my charger in my bag in the interview room so this phone won't hold out much longer. Normally a bit of time to think isn't a bad but when it's coupled with a time of self-doubt like this, it's not ideal. Excuse me while I go and rearrange the name tags again. :-)
And yet it is eating away at me and making me doubt myself entirely. Making me feel like I'm too slow, not doing things right, not good enough. I'm trying to do all the things I've learned over the years, especially some of the stuff I was reminded of in the stress seminar I did in January....catastrophising, I'm looking at you. Begone!
But it is difficult. And today was a very early start, which is very rarely a mood booster for me. Now I'm sitting waiting. We're doing a day of interviews for PhD students and the next hour or so is Skype interviews so there's nothing for me to do but wait in case the panel needs something. And I left my charger in my bag in the interview room so this phone won't hold out much longer. Normally a bit of time to think isn't a bad but when it's coupled with a time of self-doubt like this, it's not ideal. Excuse me while I go and rearrange the name tags again. :-)
posted from Bloggeroid
Ah...those bitey, niggly comments are so hard to put out of mind!
ReplyDeleteThis week at work we had one of those pep-talk things where they mentioned that women have a tendency to often approach things from the point of 'perfection.' So a guy will say, 'I have 60% of the skills needed for this job, so I'm good to go and I'll pick up the rest on the job.' A woman will often say, 'I have only 60% of the skills needed, so I need to keep working and filling the gaps before I apply for promotion.' As a result, men push themselves into new skills, promotions and pay levels.
I thought that was really interesting. It might be good to think of the work comment in that way...kind of flipping it: 'I'm 80% of the way there, so good for me!' :)