tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post9142736396180865281..comments2023-03-30T10:05:13.911+01:00Comments on Living the simple life I want: Boundaries. Or, DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!!!Moonwaveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16018956740090192993noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post-53832053795007982882016-07-25T02:56:43.837+01:002016-07-25T02:56:43.837+01:00You are a much better person than me. I would not ...You are a much better person than me. I would not be happy with anyone going through my stuff or worse yet re-arranging it after I asked them not to. I would have lost my cool. Kudos to you for keeping yours.Sunnyhttp://lifeisfullofsunnydays.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post-15437186080458972102016-07-24T18:01:56.514+01:002016-07-24T18:01:56.514+01:00Thanks. I know logically that she is the one with ...Thanks. I know logically that she is the one with the big issues here, just trying to accept it in the less logical parts of myself now. I had the same thought about my computer, I have to admit, which is why I had moved it from the sitting room into the bedroom! Oh well, she's not much of a computer whizzkid I don't think, so I doubt she would have made it past the password, even if she was trying to poke. I spoke to a friend who works in the same place (an actual friend, who I'm quite close with) and she was amazed that I remained so nice during the whole thing. She also told me that this particular woman seems to be acting a bit strange in general over the last few months, so I really do think she is sick and may be heading for a serious time. But none of that is my problem. She txted me last night (at half-ten, honestly, that's just rude, too, in my opinion), something fairly innocuous about hoping I've finished painting the rest of the bookshelves and have been able to put books on them. I haven't replied and don't intend to. If she persists in trying to maintain contact I think I will have to make it clear to her that I have no interest in doing so but for now, I'll take the easy way out and just ignore her. <br /><br />I'm finding the validation from others very heartening though, so thank you again for that. Moonwaveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16018956740090192993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post-2287319450839999612016-07-23T12:32:49.446+01:002016-07-23T12:32:49.446+01:00Wow! Interesting reading, to say the least. What...Wow! Interesting reading, to say the least. What strikes me is that you accept you needed help to work through your issues around 'stuff' and depression, and trusted your friend with that information which she then totally ignored. Nothing about other people, apparently, is sacred to her.<br /><br />What is so utterly fascinating about her is that she obviously has huge issues herself. She intended, right from the first, to insinuate herself into your space for far too long (fish and guests smell after three days), and totally ignored your careful explanation of how you worked and wanted her to work in a way that would be helpful and beneficial. <br /><br />Would you have liked her to paint the shelves? It sounds as though that's the first thing that needed doing, and I'd have offered even if you want to do it yourself. In that case, I'd have accepted you meant it and asked what else needed doing to make your life and the process.<br /><br />What she then did, which is why as a reader I'm utterly fascinated by every word you've written, is that she poked and pried through your life, leaving apparently no cupboard unexplored, no piece of paper private, no box unopened and picked through, and no judgement left unmade about whether you had a right to continue keep your own stuff. <br /><br />And all from a woman who told you that you have issues. <br /><br />She's ill. You do realise that, don't you? She has an absolute compulsion to invade other people's privacy and you must never allow her back into your space, because as soon as you do and your back's turned she'll be picking through your things again. <br /><br />I'm only surpised she didn't turn your handbag out while you were out of the room, read your diary and check your computer to see if you write a blog. If I thought I had the right to go through other people's fridges and decide what food they were allowed to keep, unzip shorts before folding them and replacing them, trust me, I wouldn't stop if I came across their computer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post-84554042128584162222016-07-20T21:47:48.383+01:002016-07-20T21:47:48.383+01:00Can't believe anyone read that wall of text al...Can't believe anyone read that wall of text all the way to the end! It has just kept getting worse and worse. At this stage I really think she has far more serious issues to deal with. All day yesterday I kept seeing other things that she had done (e.g. rearranged the kitchen cupboard with my dishes in it) and it only got worse today. Decided I might feel better if I pulled out some of the stuff she had crammed onto the shelf I want to use for only cookbooks/choir stuff. A lot of what she stuffed in there was things that was in piles in front of those shelves so if I pulled the stuff out it'd be a mess rather than sorted the way I had it, but at least I'd get back that one shelf that I had nearly finished the way I wanted it. And while doing that I realised that she had actually emptied a box that had been standing beside that stuff as well. I had kind of assumed she had just moved that box onto the pile of still full ones but then noticed that something that was definitely in it was on the shelves. I explicitly told her on Sunday that she would not be able to unpack any boxes because I needed to know where stuff was going. That box, of all bloody boxes, was the very last one that I took out of my old place and it was placed separately from the general pile because it had various things in it that I needed to deal with separately. For example some books and magazines that I borrowed from someone and didn't get to return before moving. They were in that box because (a) I was being very careful that they didn't get damaged and (b) I wanted to keep them all together. There were a few other things that I wanted kept separate and, of course, because they were all in one place I didn't have a list of what they were, either on paper or in my head. Just a general sense of "I know that box is things I have to look through". Now those books are in one place, I'm not sure where the magazines are, I assume mixed in with others somewhere else. And I have no idea where she might have put the other things that were in that box and no clear idea of what everything was that I had wanted to keep separate. I actually screamed in frustration at that, really hope my neighbours were all already gone out to work!<br />And just now, after an extremely hot and long day at work and then choir, feeling slightly cheerier, I got home and changed into my shorts. I've normally kept them just draped on the radiator in the bathroom as I don't need it for heating and it's a nice wide size. So my shorts and tracksuit bottoms, both for just slopping around the house in, are just draped there. I saw on Monday that she had folded those two neatly and put them back on the radiator (and it's kind of down the side of something else, so not really on obvious view - she had to have been looking for things to do) and even before I had decided to ask her to leave I had shaken them out and draped them the way they normally are. Just a short while ago as I was putting the shorts on I caught myself closing the button and realised it felt weird. Of course it felt weird. These shorts have a button and zip but they also have a mostly elasticated waist and I have never even opened the button and zip on them before. Even trying them on in the shop I remember not doing it and being pleased that they were such a good fit I could pull them up without needing to open them but they were still snug enough to not be falling down all the time (I have other short trousers from the same shop that always need a belt). So not only did she fold my clothes, she was at them for long enough to open the button and zip. Just so, so weird and beyond any reasonably normal behaviour. Her issues are definitely worse than mine are. Really hoping I get over this feeling of violation soon. And, at the risk of TMI, looks like I'll need to go shopping for a new vibarator soon. I don't really think she got into that particular box but I can't be sure and I am totally skeeved out by the thought that she might have even looked into it. :-)Moonwaveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16018956740090192993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4942522681264332044.post-77338400193568981842016-07-20T08:41:54.532+01:002016-07-20T08:41:54.532+01:00Actually...I think you seem extremely normal! I th...Actually...I think you seem extremely normal! I think I would have had a mini-meltdown and even lost the friendship.<br /><br />At first, I started reading this thinking that your co-worker was well-intentioned but that the whole set-up of staying that many days would be trying.<br /><br />But reading on...omg! OMG! I would intensely dislike anyone going through my bathroom products, my receipts - and personal papers! No wonder you felt your privacy was violated. And to have to deal with that just after a move and all the turmoil it brings...no wonder it brought you to tears. It would be very confronting.<br /><br />I think you did exceptionally well to hug and try and push through it. It would have been so easy to just have a meltdown with the stress of it.<br /><br />I still can't work out where your co-worker was coming from. She obviously likes you and cares a lot if she's prepared to put herself 'out' to come and do all that 'help.' Maybe she just wasn't aware of how much she was overstepping the mark or maybe she thought her role as a 'helper' she was doing the right thing to 'take control'?<br /><br />The whole story is actually making me stop and think about how much I'm bossing my husband at the moment during our move. It's a bit different with a husband compared to a co-worker but no different in the sense that people need ownership of the process of doing things and also their own ways of making a place their own.<br /><br />What a stress! You must be so relieved to have your space back. Go and put all your bathroom products out of alignment, take the lids off and enjoy it!!! :)Fionahttp://www.declutterer.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com